Every Sunday, millions of NRI children call their parents in India.
“Sab theek hai, beta.”
That’s what your mother tells you. Every single time.
I know because I’m a Care Manager at Anvayaa Elder Care. I visit your parents during the week. And what they tell me is very different from what they tell you.
This isn’t a complaint. It’s not meant to make you feel guilty. It’s simply the truth about what elder care service at home actually looks like when you’re the one sitting in their living room, day after day, earning their trust one conversation at a time.
The Things They Hide
Last month, I was assigned to Lakshmi aunty. 78 years old. Retired school teacher. Two sons, one in California, one in London.
During our first week together, I asked her a simple question: “Aunty, how did you sleep last night?”
She paused. Then she said something she would never say to her sons.
“Beta, I haven’t slept properly in three months. I lie awake worrying. What if something happens at night? Who will know? The neighbours have their own problems. I don’t want to disturb anyone.”
Her sons call every Sunday. She tells them everything is fine.
This is not unusual. In my four years as a caretaker for elderly at home, I’ve learned that Indian parents are trained to hide. They were raised in a generation where complaining was weakness. Where asking for help meant burdening others. Where the correct answer to “How are you?” was always “Theek hoon.”
What They Actually Say When You’re Not Listening
Here are five things I’ve heard from elders in the past month alone. These are not exceptions. These are patterns.
“The maid didn’t come for four days. I managed somehow.”
“My knees hurt when I walk. But surgery at this age? What’s the point.”
“I forgot to take my BP medicine for two days. Please don’t tell my daughter.”
“Sometimes I just sit by the window and wait for the phone to ring.”
“I made too much dal yesterday. I ate it for three meals. It’s fine. I’m used to eating alone.”
When I hear these things, I don’t lecture them. I don’t immediately call their children. I listen. Because sometimes, what they need is not a solution. They need someone who is present. Someone who notices.
This is what senior care service in India should actually mean. Not just medicine management and doctor appointments. Presence. Attention. The small things.
The Story That Changed How I See This Work
Two years ago, I was assigned to a 90 year old retired bank officer in Hyderabad. His name was Raghunath uncle. Stomach cancer. Stage 3.
His children were in America. Both of them.
When he needed surgery, the hospital required a family member to sign the consent form. It’s a legal requirement. Someone has to take responsibility.
His children said they couldn’t fly down. Work. Visas. Timing.
The hospital said: “Without signature, no surgery.”
I had been visiting Raghunath uncle every day for 18 months by then. I knew his tea preference (strong, less sugar). I knew which newspaper he read first (Deccan Chronicle, then The Hindu). I knew that he kept a photo of his late wife on his bedside table and talked to it every night before sleeping.
After 18 months of providing elder care service at home, I knew this man. And he knew me.
So I signed the form.
The surgery happened, and he came through it safely. What touches me most is how deeply connected we became through the whole process. When everything was overwhelming, having a steady, caring presence made all the difference in keeping things seamless and reassuring for everyone involved.
Families today face unique challenges, often navigating busy lives across different cities or continents, but love and concern remain strong regardless of distance. That is where home attender services play such a meaningful role in modern India. They serve as a vital bridge, ensuring comfort, managing the day-to-day healthcare details, and offering families true peace of mind knowing their loved ones are genuinely cared for every step of the way.
Trust Is Not Given. It Is Earned.
The hardest part of being a caretaker for the elderly at home is not the medical work. It’s not the coordination with doctors. It’s not even the 2 AM emergencies.
The hardest part is earning trust.
Indian elders are proud. Fiercely independent. They don’t want strangers in their homes. They don’t want to feel like they need help.
I was once assigned to Kamala aunty in Hyderabad. 90 years old. Living alone. Her daughter was in Singapore.
The first time I called, she hung up.
Second call. Hung up.
By the fifth call, she said: “Mujhe kisi ki zaroorat nahi. Please stop calling.”
I kept calling. Not to convince her. Just to let her know someone was thinking about her.
Call 10: “Phir phone kiya? Kya chahiye?”
Call 14: Click.
Then one night, she had a 103-degree fever. She couldn’t get out of bed. She didn’t call her daughter. She called me.
I reached her home at 2 AM with a doctor, medicines, and glucose.
The next morning, she made me chai. She said: “Beta, kal raat tum nahi aate toh…”
She never finished that sentence. She didn’t need to.
She never hung up on me again.
What Families Should Know
If you’re reading this from abroad, I want you to understand something.
Your parents love you. They are proud of you. They don’t want to be the reason you give up your career, your life, your dreams.
So they hide.
They hide the sleepless nights. The loneliness. The fear of falling and no one knowing. The expired food in the fridge because they forgot when they bought it. The skipped medicines. The growing silence.
They hide because they love you too much to burden you.
But you can do something. You can make sure someone is there. Not to replace you. To be your presence when you cannot be present.
That’s what senior care service in India is supposed to be. Not a transaction. A relationship.
The Question You Should Ask
The next time you call home, don’t accept “Sab theek hai” as an answer.
Ask one more question.
“Amma, what did you eat today?”
“Papa, did you sleep well last night?”
“Have you taken your evening walk this week?”
One question. That’s all it takes to open the door.
And if you’re ready to make sure someone asks these questions in person, every day, that’s where we come in.
Because elder care service at home is not about replacing family.
It’s about making sure your family is never truly alone.
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